Living with an anxiety disorder is not an easy task. Everyday feels like a battle field, in which your enemy is your own mind. You are your own enemy. The main antagonist to your life.
Dealing with anxiety hasn’t been easy, but talking about it is even harder. I have stumbled upon many people who don’t believe an anxiety disorder is a thing. I don’t blame them, ignorance is bliss.
You might be asking yourself why I am talking about this topic on my style blog. And the truth is, when I began this blog I never thought I would. But mental health has become a number one priority in my book, and if sharing my story can help at least one person, then this post has done its job. So I will start from the beginning:
Since I can remember, I’ve always been an anxious person. Eating in public, fighting with people, making decision, almost running out of gas, taking exams, my weight… where always awful situations. The issue was, I always thought it was normal.
A couple years back, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. That is when things started to go downhill. I began having panic attacks. Being ignorant to what an anxiety disorder or a panic attack was at the time, I went to the doctor to check my lungs for respiratory problems. I was medicated with an anxiety pill for the duration of 20 days. From that point on, I started to get panic attacks every so often and massive anxiety levels which I tried to control with physical activity.
A year and a half ago, things got so bad, I would get week long panic attacks. I was completely sleep deprived and depressed, fighting with my mom and siblings all the time. My concentration levels were nonexistent, as was my social life since I couldn’t bare talk in public, and thus, estranged from my best friends. I had become obsessed with my weight, for which I was later diagnosed with body dysmorphia disorder. All of this for taking my anxiety problem lightly.
Anxiety starts hurting you, but then it hurts the people around you. It can torment your most valuable relationships. Anxiety can hurt you physically, emotionally, and mentally. It is not something that should be taken lightly.
Now-a-days, I go to therapy once a week with my psychologist whom helps me deal with my body issues and personal problems. And I also go to a psychiatrist to get medicated. Even though it was hard for me to accept that I had to get medicated, it was the best decision I ever made, because today I can honestly say that I feel better than ever.
Anxiety is an ever going battle. Some days are better than others, and many days feel like hell, but with time everything gets better and you begin to notice what helps you deal with your anxiety.